still doomed....
We’re here until December 21, 2012, according to some
“experts,” which entails humans can destroy their habitat and act like complete
imbeciles for at least a few more years...
DRIVERS THAT FAIL TO YIELD TO EMERGENCY VEHICLES
When an ambulance approaches either in front or behind
your vehicle, it is not only good manners to pull to the side of the road –
it’s the law!
I see you
ambulance, making your way through the maze of traffic behind me. I see your
flashy lights and hear your screeching sirens. Boy, you sure are coming up
quick ...you must be in some hurry! Tough luck, ambulance, because I’m in a
hurry too! I’m on my way to Kirkland’s
to pick out more overpriced crap for my living room that I don’t need. It may
not seem important to you, ambulance, but you see, I’ve got all this money
sitting around and I need a reason to burn it ...hence the trip to Kirkland’s! Oh wow,
you’re right on the bumper of my shiny Lexus SUV now! All the other drivers
around me have pulled over ...how silly of them! They must not have important
places to go like me. I’ll just keep cruising along at a steady pace, until you
can find a good place to pass me. I know I could pull over to the side of the
road so you can pass me quickly to reach your destination, but like I said, I’m
in a hurry too, and my needs are extremely
important! Looks like it’s life or death for both of us, lol! Oh, now
you’re honking at me ...real classy,
ambulance. What do you think, you own the road? Just so you know, you’re incessant
honking won’t make me go any faster, mister, because unlike you, I’m a safe,
conscious driver!
I USE PUBLIC RESTROOMS AND FAIL TO WASH MY HANDS
The Centers for Disease Control and
Prevention (CDC) has stated: "It is well-documented that the most
important measure for preventing the spread of pathogens is effective hand
washing." The most common way germs enter a human’s body is through
fecal-oral transmission – meaning you’re eating dookie…
Hi there, I’m
the guy that shuffles into a wretched public restroom, manhandles my business,
flushes the john and breezes right up to the mirror like a natural gust carried
me there. That’s right; I stand directly in front of the sink, but I don’t turn
it on. You’ve seen how nasty those things can get, right? Heck, it looks like
someone even puked in this one! It’s just a level of gross that no amount of
soap can scrub away. So I stand there, gazing in the mirror, fully aware of you
other restroom patrons relieving yourselves, quietly waiting to see if I’ll “do
the right thing” and cleanse the funk off my hands or not. Just when you think
I’m going to pony up and do it, I call an audible and go right for my face. Oh
yeah, absolutely. Not only will I not
wash my hands, but before I exit the restroom, I’m going to pick at my face.
Oooh ...is that a blemish? Let me check my hair. Yep, I look good – such a
stud. Now that I’ve given myself the once over, I’m going to clamp my nasty
hand firmly around the door handle, crank it open and whisk back into society
like I just used a public restroom and washed my hands afterward ...but I didn’t! What a rush! Now I’m going
to walk around and touch everything! And no one has a clue what I just did!
What freedom and anarchy from ethical behavior, I finally feel alive!
PACMAN JONES
The names Inky, Blinky, Pinky and Clyde
take on a whole new meaning when it comes to this Pacman.
Listen up fools,
I’m Pacman Jones. I love misbehaving. I love strip clubs. I love guns. I love
rap music. Mix it all up and I love it even more! Sometimes I play football
when they take me out of time-out (some people call it suspension ...pfff) and
tell me to go out on the field. Back to time-out, go play, time-out, play, bad
guy on SportsCenter, hero player on SportsCenter, bad guy on SportCenter, hero
player on SportsCenter – they just can’t make up their minds. All that mess
keeps me real confused, talking about off-the-field conduct this, altercation
that, court date, felony charges; Pac-man’s a bad example, human disaster – sheeeet, man whaaaatever – like I care
about all that! My priorities are strip clubs and handguns ...and that’s real
talk. I don’t care about no Cowboys or no footballs, just the shake junts, ya
feel me?
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PHOTO: ARM1.STATIC.FLICKR.COM
