Oh dear, oh love of my life,
my diamond in my rough, how I so wanted ever so much to express to you my
adoration through this gift. I hope you really love it.
Tearing of wrapping paper. Audible hum
of anticipation.
“Edible underwear. Two sizes
too big. You shouldn’t have.”
And you really should not
have. A gift like this shows you care more about the meeting of a deadline of
sorts than for your S.O. Guys, seriously. As tempting as those fine rose-shaped
things they sell at the convenience store are, they too fall into the category
of “You suck as a boyfriend/husband.” If you get something like this, you
really do suck. You don’t understand women, and she probably already knows
this, but so far you’re still together.
Listen: You do not have to spend lavishly. You don’t have
to even think that much. Just plan ahead a little bit and let other people do the work for you. If you know anything about
your S.O., it’s easy. Go into one or more of these local establishments and
throw yourself at their mercy. Tell them, “I need your help. I have this much
to spend.”
To put the brakes on, this goes for the
clueless women out there too. But they’re smarter than we are, know how to shop
and have already purchased/made/ordered a Valentine gift for you anyway.
So anyway, the helpful
person will/should be able to help by seizing this opportunity to ask
questions: “What is she interested in?” “What are her favorite flavors?” “Is
she spontaneous? Conservative? Free-spirited?” You get the gist.
CHOCOLATE/CANDIES
Mike Libs and the Chocolate
Factory: Pecan flipovers are an easy winner, as are their Valentine-specific
packages. Fudge is an item they make that people in the area sometimes
overlook, and if treats of the nut/caramel variety aren’t her cup of tea… I
mean, who doesn’t like fudge? Oh, and Mike’s is locally-owned and operated.
This is a good thing.
FLOWERS
Any number of places can be
visited (shop locally!), but what to get, what to get? You may be tuned in to
what she really likes, and for the most part the classic red rose bouquet works
every time. But to show you’ve put some thought into the gift, do some research
on flowers and their meaning. Since Victorian times, many popular flowers have
certain qualities assigned to them: Statice stands for lasting beauty; tulips
stand for perfect love; lavender signifies constancy. Imagine the home run
you’ll hit with a bouquet of flowers that you point at each blossom and
describe why each one is important. You stud, you.
GIFTS, MISC.
Looking beyond these classic
standby Valentine gifts, there are simply gifts. Yeah, pretty broad term. This
can mean anything from jewelry to a new car or something specific to her
interests. One place to start looking is Nance Galleries. This neat little shop
on Green River Road
is part art gallery, part museum, part gift shop. Again, by having a
conversation with staff, you can probably come up with something amazing and
unique for Valentine’s Day.
Funky, eclectic or just plain strange gifts can be found
at Nick Nackery. The place at Virginia and Heidelbach that’s well-known for all
things Halloween is, in fact, open for business all year.
It would be foolish to forget the sexy side of
Valentine’s Day. Use caution, however. One person’s sexy is another’s smut.
Hopefully you’re well aware of what your partner’s tastes are. Check with
places such as Exotica on Washington
Avenue for items ranging from tame to “for your
eyes only.” One route to think of traveling is combining something sweet and
romantic with something wild and sultry. Again, talking with the people at
these and other establishments helps a lot.
And hey – here’s an idea – talk to your partner! You can
learn a lot without giving away secrets, and it’s easier than you think.
Happy shopping, guys. And
remember: No edible undies.
