In Theaters Now:
May 7th
Iron Man 2 (Paramount)
Robert Downey Jr. is back as Tony Stark and, this time, his alter-ego Iron Man is battling the villain Whiplash, played electrically by the whip-wielding Mickey Rourke. Is it just me or is Mickey Rourke, who revived his career with an Oscar®-nominated turn in The Wrestler, starting to resemble Joan Rivers? If he is, it really won’t matter. Iron Man 2 is going to rule the box office with an iron fist!
May 7th
Babies (Focus Features)
Have you ever wondered what your life would be like had you been born or grown up somewhere else in the world? Thomas Balmes’ new documentary Babies will help give you some insight. In this new doc, Balmes gives us an in-depth look at one year in the lives of four babies born around the globe (San Francisco, Tokyo, Namibia, and Mongolia.) I love this idea and it really makes me sad I was born in a cab.
May 14th
Robin Hood (Universal)
Russell Crowe loves him some Ridley Scott. And Ridley Scott loves him Russell Crowe. The actor and director have worked together several times before (Body of Lies, A Good Year, American Gangster) and managed to churn Oscar®-gold out of their 2000 collaboration Gladiator. Here, Scott (Thelma and Louise, Blade Runner) tackles another period piece and Crowe grabs a bow and arrow and throws on the tights. Along for the ride, Oscarâ-winner Cate Blanchett, who stars as Lady Marian.
May 21st
MacGruber (Universal)
Signs of the Apocalypse- #1. Pestilence. #2- Famine. #3. Earthquakes. #4- Godlessness. #5- Ryan Seacrest. #6- Demi Moore’s pregnancy in that stupid movie. #7- Virtually any movie based on a character from Saturday Night Live. Have you seen the trailer for MacGruber? The end of days is upon us!
May 21st
Shrek Forever After (Dreamworks)
The fourth installment of Shrek comes to us in 3D animation and will prove to the masses my theory. Put on your handy-dandy 3D glasses. Now, look at Shrek. I mean really look at him. Does he not look just like Patti LaBelle?
May 27th
Sex and the City 2 (Warner Brothers)
Between the sitcom and now two Sex movies, I feel like I need a Valtrex®.
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New Releases:
May 4th
Tooth Fairy (Fox)
When I was a child, I took great sadistic satisfaction in the fact that I could tie one end of a string to a doorknob and the other end of that same string to a tooth. One slam of the door and I packed my mouth with gauze then headed off to sleep anticipating the arrival of the tooth fairy and a deposit of cold hard cash under my pillow. Ah! Those were the days! The Rock’s latest big-screen endeavor is the equivalent of slamming that door and feeling the loose tooth getting ripped from my skull. Only in this instance, there’s no reward. Just the shooting, paralyzing pain. GRADE: C-
May 4th
Nine (Sony)
Quite frankly, the biggest disappointment of 2009. Rob Marshall’s (Chicago, Memoirs of a Geisha) star-studded adaptation of the Broadway musical of the same name falls flat. Some of the most talented female stars in the world haunt the mind of Daniel Day-Lewis’ troubled film director Guido Contini, but only Marion Cotillard is able to embody the music and sing it with all her heart and soul. GRADE: C+
May 11th
Legion (Sony)
Here’s the general gist of Scott Stewart’s regrettable apocalyptic thriller. God hates us all. He wants us dead. He’s going to send an army of angels to destroy mankind. But Paul Bettany plays Michael, an angel who actually likes us and wants to save us from the strong arm of the Lord. Of course, he’s a total dumb ass and cuts off his wings when he gets to Earth (so he’ll blend in), despite the fact his wings are incredibly powerful and he‘s going to need them when he battles Gabriel. Good job, Genius! Glad you’re on our side! I suppose this is the portion of the program when we should all look to the heavens and pray for mercy! GRADE: D+
May 18th
Invictus (Warner Brothers)
Three things in this world are guaranteed to make me cry. (Actually, four if you count Legion.) I will always cry for an animal in peril. I will always cry if a tennis ball hits me in the crotch. And I will always cry in a movie about unlikely sports heroes. And I cried like a baby in Clint Eastwood’s riveting Invictus. Morgan Freeman’s spot-on portrayal of Nelson Mandela and the stirring tale of the little rugby team that could, made this one of the best movies of 2009. GRADE: A-
Also due in May:
Valentine‘s Day (Warner Brothers)
Pretty Woman director Garry Marshall tries to get romantic again with this big-screen Whitman‘s Sampler of love stories starring everybody under the sun. Ironically enough, the storylines are just like those candies in the Samplers. You’ll take one bite, then want to put it back.
Due May 18th. GRADE: C
Shutter Island (Paramount)
For a while, with its ominous backdrop, shady cast of characters, broad performances, and jolting gothic score, Martin Scorcese’s psychodrama is reminiscent of his fine suspense thriller Cape Fear. But then it goes all schizo and devolves into a ridiculously over-the-top mental health case study. There is not enough Xanaxâ in the world to make me sit through this again.
Due May 25th. GRADE: C-
In Case You Missed It:
We Live in Public (Interloper Films)
I have always hypothesized that fame drives people insane. You see folks like Britney Spears, Susan Boyle, Lindsay Lohan, Charlie Sheen, Tiger Woods, and Randy Quaid and wonder if it’s possible they were all just crazy before they were famous. I don’t think so. I have always believed that a lack of privacy and escape will eventually drive people to mad extremes. And that’s exactly what happens in Ondi Timoner’s We Live in Public, her riveting study of Internet pioneer Josh Harris, who, at the dawn of the world wide web, warned that the time was fast approaching where our entire lives would be fully controlled by virtual media. Josh Harris was a genius, a computer whiz who saw this whole Facebookâ revolution coming. Harris conducted early experiments about the effects of virtual media on the human mind and what he discovered was alarming. Watch this movie. Consider how accessible your personal information is online and how your fundamental need for at least some privacy is being compromised by the Internet. Do you “live in public?” And, more importantly, are you prepared for the consequences if you do? GRADE: A-
