Surprise, surprise, things still
aren’t changing. People are still dolts and unfortunately still
procreating/polluting our society at a devastating rate. It’s sad. A
respectable, polite person may have one child or none, while some idiot covered
with tattooed names on his neck, a stupid backwards hat with his ears tucked
inside and no job has about 8 or 9...that he knows of. The odds are against
prosperity, indeed.
Stupid
backwards hat guy with stickers on the bill. You look like an idiot. Stop
trying to be a rapper and pull up your pants. Ugh. I’ll rip you apart in
another issue. But for now.....
LACKADAISICAL PARENTS
Picture a woman running her mouth
into a cell phone flanked by three kids entering a retail store. She’s
oblivious to what is going on around her, lost in a world of inarticulate,
non-pressing conversation. For the first ten minutes, she doesn’t seem to hear
her children as they begin dismantling areas of the retail store, throwing
objects into the air, spreading havoc like three tiny tornadoes. Everyone else
within vicinity notices, and looks in disgust for the person responsible for
putting a prompt halt to this bratty destruction. Across the store stands ‘mom
of the year,’ still yacking on her phone about cocktails and pools and spending
money she didn’t make. Finally, after another ten minutes, she wraps up her
discussion, says “ciao” and starts screaming for her spawns to return to her,
unaware of the havoc they’ve been inflicting throughout the store. While
obnoxiously screaming her children’s names, she seeks out a sales associate and
needles him for help. She needs shin guards for her three hellions and she
needs help figuring out the proper sizes. Ignoring the sales associate’s
response and explanation, she interrupts him, yelling for her children to STOP
SCREWING AROUND AND GET OVER HERE. She then asks another question the sales
associate previously provided an answer for, but since she was being rude and
yelling at her kids, she didn’t catch it the first time. Again, he tries offer
explanation to what she’s inquiring about, and this time she launches into a
verbal tirade of noise pollution:
“DREW!
STOP IT! STOP THROWING THOSE HORSE SHOES AT YOUR SISTER AND PUT THEM DOWN! RIGHT
NOW! DO YOU WANT TO PLAY SOCCER OR NOT? PUT THEM DOWN, NOW! RIGHT NOW! COME ON!
Okay, so will he need the small size or--ELIZABETH ANN! PICK ALL OF THOSE
SHIRTS UP RIGHT NOW! STOP RUNNING! NOW! DREW – I THOUGHT I TOLD YOU TO STOP
THROWING HORSE SHOES! LOOK AT WHAT YOU’VE DONE; YOU’VE HIT YOUR BROTHER IN THE
FACE! GOOD JOB, DREW! STOP CRYING STEPHEN....STEPHEN, DON’T HIT! STOP THROWING
THEM BACK AT YOUR BROTHER! I DON’T CARE IF HE THREW THEM FIRST, STEPHEN! DREW! DAMMIT,
ELIZABETH ANN, GET BACK OVER HERE AND TRY THESE SHIN GUARDS ON...NOWWWW! So,
you don’t have these socks in the smaller size? Hmm...well exactly how big do
these run? Can you rip them out of the package so I can see? Ooooh, they look
pretty long-- ELIZABETH ANN GETOVERHERERIGHTNOW! TRY THESE SHIN GUARDS ON RIGHT
NOW SO THIS MAN CAN SEE IF THEY FIT YOU! HE DOESN’T HAVE ALL DAY!
And
so it goes. I’ve had this happen to me time and time again. Like Groundhog Day,
this typical scene keeps repeating itself. Same situation, different cast of
characters. Drew, Stephen, Elizabeth Ann, Casey, Michael, whatever; different
names, same behaviors. But the blame can’t really be pinned to the kids. Yes,
they should behave more like
civilized human beings instead of rabid beasts, but they likely don’t know any
better. The blame in these situations should almost always be given to the
parents. There is more to being a parent than turning on cartoons and shoving
easy mac in their faces, shuttling them around in a van and allowing them to
treat every establishment they visit like a McDonald’s Play Land while you
drain battery juice gabbing to girlfriends or drinking buddies. Letting your
children run wild with total disregard for property that is not theirs is NOT
ACCEPTABLE. Your job, Chatty Kathy or Drunk Dennis, is to hang up that freaking
phone and keep your kids in line. Teach them how to conduct themselves, and
discipline them when they step outside those acceptable boundaries. Sure, it’s
a frustrating process, but it should not be an optional one. Your primary job
is to be a nurturing provider for your children, not only for their survival
and care, but for their social development. Teach them manners, respect and set
proper examples for them. It’s a hard concept, like geometry, but you hopefully
you can muster up enough intelligence and vigor to do it. That’s our society’s
only hope for prosperity and peace – that you will get your apples and oranges
together, lackadaisical parent, and learn your youngins’ right.
*EDITOR’S NOTE: Before you get
your panties in a wad, Brandon is indeed a father and totally embraces all of his idealistic parenting advice.
‘Nuf said.
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