2007’s almost gone, and the passing of the year often comes with at least a speck of reflection. The good, the bad and the weird – let’s revisit some of the high (and low) lights of the Year of the Pig, MMVII.

January

17^th – Doomsday Clock reset

The good old indicator of how close we are to globally assured destruction was set to 11:55 p.m. With the Axis of Weasels’ saber-rattling, and the shared possession of over 25,000 nuclear weapons between Russia and the United States, the famous Cold War-era clock established by the Bulletin of the Atomic Scientists at the University of Chicago moved ahead two minutes. It was the first time since 2002 that the clock was reset. Happy New Year!

31^st – The Boston Mooninite Massacre

Dozens of the roughly one-square-foot Lite-Bright toys/improvised explosive devices were found across Boston. Terrorists might have been behind a plot to blow up the entire city… Needless to say, the devices were part of a guerrilla marketing campaign for the Aqua Teen Hunger Force movie, which was based on the sometimes-funny animated show on Cartoon Network’s “Adult Swim.” The perpetrators were fined, the head of the Cartoon Network resigned, and the public was able to go back to being ever vigilant. And, hopefully for those in charge, still afraid.

February

4^th – Colts win the Super Bowl

Finally. After years of dueling with the ‘Pats in the AFC, the Indianapolis Colts finally won their division in January and made it to a rainy Super Bowl XLI against the Bears. Also finally, football fans around the Tri-State had a Super Sunday worth caring about. With a lot of fans of both teams in the area, it was cool to know that you’d be happy with whoever won the game, which like most Super Bowls, was really pretty boring all around.

27^th – Dick Cheney avoids suicide bomb attack

While visiting troops in Afghanistan, Vice President Cheney took it upon himself to round up the planners of the attack and shoot them in the face for instigating the tragic attack, which killed 23, including two Americans.

March

3^rd – Lunar eclipse

Once upon a time we were falling in love. Now we’re only falling apart. Nothing you can say, there was a total eclipse of the moon on March 3, the first of two in 2007.

31^st – Sydney, Australia: “Boom boom. Out go the lights!”

The city of Sydney turned its collective lights out on this night to make a statement to the rest of the world about world climate change. On the following day the CEO of Exxon played footsies with a wonderful unicorn that peed glee and poohed sundrops.

April

12^th – Don Imus shows his ass

Overpaid radio personality Don Imus was canned after making a stupid racial remark about the Rutgers women’s basketball team. He said he was really sorry to Al Sharpton on his (Sharpton’s) radio show. The media paid an awful lot of attention to the “story,” even after the Virginia Tech shootings that happened four days later.

27^th through 29^th – Desertstock

The Coachella Valley Music & Arts Festival 2007 featured dozen upon dozens of bands and artists from almost every genre. Among the notables in ’07 were a reunited Rage Against the Machine, Sonic Youth, Kings of Leon, The Roots, The Lemonheads, Red Hot Chili Peppers and Willie Nelson.

May

6^th – France gets a funky president

Actually, we have no clue as to French President Nicolas Sarkozy’s funkiness (or lack thereof). But the James Brown classic, “Funky Drummer” is playing in the office right now, so, well, you get that sometimes.

20^th – The Simpsons hit 400^th episode

Okay, so the show hasn’t been funny for years, but 400 episodes is a lot. Think about this: the show premiered in 1989, which means that there are kids graduating from high school next year who were born after the show first came on.

June

6^th – Please, spay or neuter yourself

174-year-old Bob Barker taped his final episode of The Price is Right on this date in history. During his tenure as emcee of the most awesome show on morning television, Barker absorbed well over 25,000 kisses from contestants. Later in the year it’s announced that Drew Carey (you can’t replace Bob Barker) will take over hosting duties of the show.

27^th – Blair bows out

British Prime Minister Tony Blair gets the hell out of 10 Downing and is replaced by Gordon Brown.

July

7^th – Live Earth

Stages across the globe hosted bands of every stripe during this day of shows to combat “a climate in crisis.” Giants Stadium in New Jersey was the site of the American concerts, which included The Police, Smashing Pumpkins, Ludacris, John Mayer and Roger Waters, among many others. London’s Wimbley Stadium saw Beastie Boys, Foo Fighters, Madonna, Duran Duran, and Metallica.

21^st – Dick steps in; bush probed

Vice President Dick Cheney went about his usual business of running the country this day in 2007 as President Bush underwent a colonoscopy.

August

7^th – Bonds* breaks Aaron’s home run record

San Francisco Giants hitter Barry Bonds smacked the 756^th home run of his career, and cemented his place as the most beloved athlete in the history of humankind.

27^th – Gonzo steps out

Under the gun from Congress, and with his level of truthiness in question, Bush crony Alberto Gonzalez announced he would resign as United States Attorney General.

September

25^th – Xboxers rejoice… and spend… a lot

Halo 3 was released on the 25^th, and sales figures in the first 24 hours proved what fans of first person shooter games have known for years: the Halo series of games positively rule.

26^th – Myanmar was Burma, now it’s Myanmar, not Burma

Echoes of the past, complete with brutal dictatorial regimes in far-distant countries, came to the attention of the world when the military in Myanmar logged their first deaths against anti-government protests in the Southeast Asian nation. Peaceful Buddhist monks were among the first protestors to mysteriously (or not so mysteriously) disappear.

October

9^th – Viva la that dude on the T-Shirt

Forty years had passed since the execution of Marxist revolutionary/murderer/guy eulogized on the shirts of college students, Che Guevara. The execution made all of Latin America a paradise on earth forever and ever.

25^th – Get on the (Air) Bus

The largest commercial aircraft in the world wasn’t the Boeing 747 anymore when Singapore Airlines flew the first Airbus A380 from Singapore to Sydney, Australia. Seating up to 850 people, the new jumbo jet offers 50% less cabin noise and lots of room to stretch out; us Yankees will – at least for the foreseeable future – be herded into sardine-like steel tubes and be offered really cold food, $6 beers and the chance to get really well acquainted with people who smell like sweaty bacon.

November

6^th – A portent of things to come?

Election Day saw the Democratic Party take numerous governorships and mayor’s offices, proving that most people who vote don’t care that the two parties in control are really two sides of the exact same coin.

“I’m tired of hearing it said that democracy doesn’t work. Of course it doesn’t work. We are supposed to work it.” – Alexander Woollcott

December

All month – Who knows? A month is a long time for something to boil up and mushroom into a serious problem. Maybe the United States military will invade Iran, although by listening to the bobbleheads on the cable news networks, that seems like a foregone conclusion. Perhaps there will be some good news, like hearing something positive from the Iraq debacle. Probably we’ll get more of the same, spiced liberally with the same mind-numbing celebrity gossip and chunks of product from the remnants of what used to be a fresh pop culture. Regardless, it’s the Holiday season, so Happy ChristmaHanuKwanza, New Year and good luck to us all.