As Long As There Is Light Coming Out Of The Box

You can tell how serious someone is about their television watching (not to mention which tax bracket they are in) by how many premium movie channels they have. Since Fangirl is generally miserly, it had to come down to a choice of the big three, Showtime, HBO, or Cinemax. The decision was a painful one, you can be sure. But based on (most of) the critically acclaimed, award winning, and genuinely fantastic original series Showtime has been cranking out recently, I clearly made the right decision…

Weeds – The premise of a suburban mom who sells pot to make ends meet is, in and of itself, not actually so funny to someone who has at times had to consider it a viable back-up plan. I have to keep reminding myself that you have to deal with hippies when you have that type of lifestyle; and that’s never a good thing. Honestly, I’ll never know how good this show might be. See, Weeds is like a potentially delicious cake covered with a gag-inducing coconut topping called Kevin Nealon. His comedic timing is, uh, out of synch with mine. And there is just something creepy about him that makes me pretty certain I would have nightmares if I witnessed him in any type of romantic scene. Sorry Weeds. Call me when Kevin leaves, kay?

Penn & Teller: Bullsh*t! – Magicians Penn and Teller spend an hour frequently surrounded by naked people, relentlessly cussing like sailors (So much in fact, that perhaps we should consider changing the cliché to ‘Cussing like magicians.’), and savagely publicly humiliating the modern day snake oil salesman who prey on an all too often gullible public. I don’t always agree 100% with their conclusions, but their mission is a noble one, not to be underestimated in its import or relevance. All 5 seasons thus far are like gold. Hoard them!

Californication – At last David Duchovny finds the comedic vehicle that suits him! (And in this show his actual vehicle happens to be a comically barely-above-junkyard-condition Porsche.) He is a writer, of the Old Gonzo School it seems, who has relocated from NYC to LA, much to his dismay. His novel was made into a crappy movie, he has writer’s block, his longtime girlfriend/baby momma dumped him, and his daughter has an Emily Strange fetish. No wonder then that he freely indulges in all of his vices, like a broke-ass Christian Troy. While it is a little distressing to see the once-Mulder sporting a few wrinkles, it is nice to have him back on television. This show is worth its weight in gold for the one line zingers and Dennis Milleresque semi-obscure cultural references alone.

Dexter – If you haven’t seen this show yet, GO GET THE SEASON ONE BOX SET RIGHT NOW and watch it. I’ll wait. Then we can discuss my new favorite show together like adults. Done? ‘Kay. This one kicked me into serious obsession mode instantly. I mentally drew a heart around his name on this page. Dexter is a police forensics analyst (blood spatter specialist!) by day, serial killer who only preys on other serial killers by night. They had me at serial killer! Here is a refreshingly edgy original idea taken to dizzying heights by good writing. Did you hear me writers of ER and almost every other scripted show on TV today?

Good writing means people will tune in week after week without you having to resort to insultingly preposterous storylines and ridiculously over-the-top cliffhangers in season finales. Pay extra close attention, writers of Heroes. You can give the audience something of substance in every episode without giving it all away. You can create obsessive interest without over-hyping. Where Heroes was so stingy with details, and forced fans to endure an inhumanely long mid-season hiatus only to deliver a decidedly lackluster season finale, Dexter delivered every damn week, and the season finale gave us an actual, deliciously non-ambiguous closure on a main storyline! I am so well-trained for the ratings game that I often think this show is going to end 15 minutes before it really does, leaving every story arc completely unresolved. Those final few minutes are like a gift! But can they keep it up? Well, for months now the first two episodes of season two, not scheduled to begin airing until September 30th, have been floating around the internet. (Pirating or savvy promotion? Discuss.) Of course I have seen them, and I admit I am a little worried. You’ll never get as high as you did the first time, you know? But for now, it seems Dexter is poised to become America’s most beloved serial killer, deservedly so.