I don’t want to get into a shame spiral here, but there are a lot of things I am ashamed of. Once when I was in elementary school, I had some gerbils that I forgot to feed for a few days and when I finally checked on them, well, let’s just say they HAD eaten. Jeff Dahmer-style. Also, during the middle school era, I wantonly killed a bird with a BB gun. I thought it might be fun, but it was a horrible feeling. Just horrible. Then there were the high school years, and well, even though all those cases are settled, I am still legally not able to discuss most of that entire four year period. All these things were just sickening indictments of the kind of person I am, but no one could have predicted this most recent shocking lapse of judgment: I am utterly mortified to admit that I did not watch one single episode of Lost until it was well into the third season. How? Why? WTF? All questions I have asked myself. Believe me. I mean, I’m a professional television watcher for crap’s sake. There’s no good excuse. Period.

            If you are still reading, then perhaps you feel you can somehow forgive me. Thanks. In an attempt to rectify this most recent humiliating transgression against humanity, I will dedicate this month’s entire column to mankind’s favorite group of island bound characters since Gilligan and The Skipper. I guess deep down inside somewhere, I thought I could resist what has become one of the most uber –addictive shows on the air right now. You know, Captain Kirk-style, using sheer magnum will power. I fancied that I could simply somehow just not watch. Heh. On the plus side, my sort-lived resistance earned me the distinct pleasure of watching all the episodes of seasons one and two back to back with no commercials on DVD. And brother, that was tasty.

            So let’s dive in, what is so great about this show? (Besides Sayid, who can torture me anytime.) First of all, I love all the crazy surreal smoke monster/polar bear/disappearing cabin/Jacob/four-toed statue/paranormal baby/unhinged in time mysteries. Very eclectic weirdness abounds on the island and they manage to keep some of the threads together just enough that it works for the most part. In another coup, the writers have really managed to get you deeply invested in every member of the ensemble cast, even fringe folks like Rose and Bernard. And almost unbelievably, while they managed to hook everyone with the Jack, Kate, Sawyer love triangle and the Claire/Charlie romantical drama right from the start, they have actually successfully introduced a newer romance that seems to have become the central story of the show now, that of Desmond and Penny. The Lost geeks or Losties, who are interestingly mostly male if the Ain’t It Cool News chatrooms are any indicator, are not holding back their emotions at all for these two. When they finally reunite, (As they inevitably must, right?) the episode should be called, “When Dudes Cry” and be sponsored by Kleenex because there will not be a dry eye in, uh, cyberspace.

            Speaking of the internet, Lost definitely isn’t just for your TV. Google shows over 1 million results for the query “Lost television show” and one of the absolute best is www.lostpedia.com which is a ridiculously comprehensive and surely unprecedented site covering every imaginable aspect of the show. The other is one of the funniest parody (or is it?) sites I have seen since The Onion, themisfitishere.blogspot.com. Go there now! Now!

            On the downside though, I have been consistently confused and annoyed by the repeated use of flash forward and flash back scenarios on the show. I am just not smart enough to figure out which is which sometimes. Thank goodness ABC started showing Lost for Dummies episodes! Brilliant! Airing just before the new episode, they show the previous week’s episode with little pop-ups that explain a lot. Seriously. I was keeping up okay before, but now it flows a little smoother for me. Another major bummer is that Charlie died, and that just wasn’t cool. And maybe it’s just me, but sometimes I get a vibe that the show is going to end Dallas-style, revealing that everything that has happened was just some hallucination by an institutionalized Hurley! Hopefully the writers realize that kind of cop-out would cause riots in the streets.